if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
