My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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