He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
