He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
