Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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