Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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