Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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