her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
