I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
