He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
