We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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