i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
