So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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