420 ftw
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
