He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
