barbara walters just said penis...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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