The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
