Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
