Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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