I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
