I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
