Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
