using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You are the jesus of drinking
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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