I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Found your dick twin last night
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
