As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
