I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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