nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
be right there i have to get my cape
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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