marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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