I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
