if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
