if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
