Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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