I think im going to throw up on grandma
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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