Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
