I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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