Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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