Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
and she was petting her beer can
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
