Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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