i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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