i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Still dying that you shit outside
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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