he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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