I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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