we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
