My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
