So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
