July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
