Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
