Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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