Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
