Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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