Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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