the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
