I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
