You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
