I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
