We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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