You're completely useless in the revolution.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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