Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
