I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
This toilet bowl is my home.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
