I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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