I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
