Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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