A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
