I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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