My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
