omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
