3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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