nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
